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Migrant family found living in Trump’s hair

Miami, FL – In a stunning development that comes at a crucial time in the Republican Presidential primary, a migrant family has been found taking up residence in candidate Donald Trump’s hair. The family was first spotted by AP photographer Thomas Stenton as he covered the candidate at a recent rally.

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(In the interest of protecting the identity of the migrants, Debase The Nation has depicted a generic white family).

 

 

 

 

“I thought I spotted something foreign in his hair.”, said Stenton. He added, “Magnifying a photo, I was stunned to learn that it appeared to be six-person family span three generations!” Then it dawned on him, “If this family was undocumented, as soon as Trump found out he would likely turn them over to the authorities for deportation. That’s something I didn’t want to see happen.”

But in a twist that left observers speechless, upon learning of the situation Mr. Trump not only expression admiration for the family, he pledged to pick up the cost of settling them in the city of their choice. Upon securing the pledge for safe passage the family agreed to come down out of his hair. Hours later it gave its first interview to DTN’s Bill Coles. The transcript:

BC: The question that everyone wants to know is, ‘How, exactly, did you get in his hair?’

Grandfather: We were at the border and low on funds. Mr. Trump was down at the border meeting with Border Patrol and surveying the situation. We saw him pass by and decided to go for it. We held hands, saying ‘1-2-3, Jump!’ The next thing we knew were we surrounded by a sea of orange. We realized we’d made it!

BC: How long had you been in there?

Father: We’re not sure. A few months, perhaps. When was the last time Trump visited the border?

BC: How did you manage?

Mother: We’d wait until Donald went to bed and then climb out and do what we had to. We learned to tip toe around. Melania is a light sleeper!

Son: Mr. Trump’s place is really cool! There was gold all over and extra everything. We raided his fridge every night and you wouldn’t even notice that any food was gone.

BC: Were there any times when you thought you’d be found out?

Grandmother: We almost gave up a few times. During one debates, the lights were so bright and generated so much heat we thought we were going to pass out. The men had taken off their t-shirts and tied them together into a flag of sorts. They were just about to wave it when the debate ended and the lights came down. That was a close call.

BC: What was the best part of your stay?

Daughter: I really liked flying on Mr. Trump’s plane. There were no lines at the airport and I didn’t have to take off my shoes!

BC: Do have anything that you want to tell voters about your experience?

Father: When Mr. Trump says he’s a strong man, believe it! He carried six of us for weeks on end on and didn’t even notice.

Between campaign stops a day later Mr. Trump reflected on the bizarre incident, “You know, I respect initiative and courage and commitment. To me, that’s huge. For this family to risk it all by hitching a ride in my hair tells me everything I need to know. We need more of that spirit in America.”

Could his experience with this courageous family be the catalyst for Trump to finally soften his position on immigration? Stay tuned.

Disclaimer: This is another in a long line of hard-hitting news stories that is just false.

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